I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I need a beard to bite.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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