The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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