While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
