there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Randomize
