im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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