Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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