Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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