Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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