Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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