It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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