Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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