I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
