I'm jealous of your bromance
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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