She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize