She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
