Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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