help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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