when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
