You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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