btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize