The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize