You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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