So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
