if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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