He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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