i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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