Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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