I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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