I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
