I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I am one with the molecules
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
