Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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