Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
