so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
