OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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