take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
