are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
