At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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