He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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