ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
