she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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