I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
