My boss' voice literally gives me gas
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize