Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
This toilet bowl is my home.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
