i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
