i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
