He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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