Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
