he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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