Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
