Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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