What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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