If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
