In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
