if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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