there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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