Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
