youre lurking in front of me
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
