I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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