I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
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screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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