If i come over, it means nothing
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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