Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
