Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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