Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
