Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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