I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
