its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
