the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
