you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
