weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
