Just fell off a train. Bad.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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