I must be too annoying 4 u.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
