Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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