These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
