He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
