She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
