woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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