she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
