i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
