do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
