He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
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