You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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