So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
